Hi everyone! I know it’s a very strange time frame to be updating with a blog post but I’ve had something on my heart that I wanted to share with you all but before I get to that I first want all of you awesome readers out there to know that the comic has been updated! So hop on over to today’s comic update and I hope you enjoy the read <3
Next, for today’s blog post I’m going to go ahead and put it under this read more tab so that I don’t over-whelm the front page with what I have to say. I’m not sure what all I should say or how I should say it but I will just speak from the heart and I hope that this can probably help someone else that might be going through. I’ll do my best to keep it as short and sweet as possible <3
How are you all doing? How was your day? If you’d like to share how you’ve been I’d be happy to know ^^ I enjoying receiving everyone’s comments. I might not be able to have much to say back but I read them over and over. Behind each comment I know that there is a person sitting there. A person with thoughts and feelings often times similar to mine. So when I ask those questions like How are you, how have you been doing? I truly mean it and truly do want to know because I know how lonely it is to feel like you’re just another face in the crowd. I don’t want any of you to feel that way because you are someone that matters.
I’m not really sure how to start what is in my heart to say….so I will just do my best to let the words flow. Have you ever felt that strange feeling, like something inside is broken and just hanging on by a thread? You then start to take one day at a time and it feels like every minutes and second is slowly starting to merge together. You lose track of how many sun up’s and sun downs have passed by. It’s like your looking up from the bottom just waiting for the sun to break through and it’s rays to shine down on you.
I’ve learned and I am still learn just how important it is to stay positive, even during hard times and dry spells, it’s so important to stay positive and keep taking things one day at a time, step by step and even when you feel like you’ve been knocked to the grown, keep moving forward even if you have to crawl because time chases the pain away. You just got to hold on till the end. You can make it if you try, WE can make it if we try.
It’s okay if you feel the suffocating feeling in your chest or if food starts to taste bland to you and your appetite fades away. Just keep breathing, in and out, just keep eating and let the tears fall. Our tears are a way our body helps us release the hurt and pain inside. You’re not weak if you cry, it takes someone with strength to be able to accept those feelings head on and still push through to the end. Keep your head up and let those tears fall because the pain won’t last always and you’re not alone.
A saying that has been stuck in my head and that I’ve been repeating to myself is “No pressure, No Diamonds.” Without that pressure and weight and heat that beautiful and strong diamond would never have been created. I think it’s fascinating and amazing how God has certain beautiful and strong things only created by pressure and hard times. Gold is tried with fire, Diamonds are made by pressure, even precious stones like Rubies still confuse geologist to this day because they just can’t understand how these stones are formed against all the odd’s surrounding them.
Rubies remind me of how our lives are lived. Sometimes you keep taking each step day by day and when you stop to see where you’ve come from you stand there and wonder how did I get over that? Just like rubies, scientist still aren’t sure how these precious stones are created, it’s baffling. How can something so beautiful and so rare be made when all of the odds are against it. When every sign around them is pointing to no it still finds a way to come out a beautiful gemstone and show them yes.
I’m learning how to hold on to that positivity and to look on the bright side of things and accept the things that can’t be changed but still hope and pray for the things that are good. We learn to face our test and trails and difficulties head on and that pressure makes us stronger and even the more precious.
I lost two Grandmother’s back to back and during my Grandma Daye’s funeral I broke down. I couldn’t bring myself to go up to her coffin and see her empty shell laying there. Even now after a few months have passed, certain music still makes my heart hurt so bad, even typing this now I can feel my throat tightening up.
After losing them I’ve had to deal with that fear and uncertainty of when I will lose another parent to cancer. I feel blessed and so grateful to be able to still have the chance to have my Great-Grandmother in my life and I am grateful to have been able to be right by my mother’s side as she is battling cancer as well.
I still remember back during my freshmen year of high school and waking up late at night to hearing my mother talking softly on the phone about how she can feel the mass moving around inside of her and how she is throwing up blood. I still remember the late nights after she had her surgery and how thin her arm was. It’s so painful to see cancer pull your mother down to skin and bones. She was so weak that she wasn’t able to turn herself around in bed and the medicine they gave her made her hallucinate. It hurts my heart because I can still see everything just like it was yesterday. I can still see the blood bandage from where they cut my mother at, I can still see the crazed look in her eyes that the medicine caused and I can still feel the weakness of her arm in my finger tips.
It’s burned into my memory, I don’t regret having those memories because I know that it’s making me a stronger person. No pressure no diamonds and I’m able to learn to appreciate my mother even more then before.
Her cancer is back and to be upfront and open it does scare me because it’s like the past is repeating itself and I don’t know how things will play out because two have already lost the battle and it’s because of those negative thoughts, those thoughts of fear that try to creep in that I try to remind myself to stay positive.
Whether it’s an easy task or not the point of the matter is that if you want a positive outcome you need to live a positive lifestyle and keep that positive mindset.
Yes bad things will happen but it’s up to us on how we will respond and handle it. We can do it! We can make it if we try!
Even now, my husband was in a car accident on his way home from work on Friday November 8th 2014 (which was yesterday) and our van and only means for transportation was totaled but my husband was okay and so was the other driver and his car was just fine as well.
Yes we may not have a car and no we don’t know when or how we might be able to get a new one but we are both helping each other to stay on the positive side. Thankfully we have public transportation and family in the area that can help. Everyone is safe and alive and this just opens the door for a safer and possibly more up to date vehicle for the coming winter. Our van was a very old van and it was counting it’s days so maybe this was a way to help protect us and our family from getting into a worse accident when the ice and snow started to fall.
It’s okay though because some how things will work out. Believe it will. Right now it might hurt so bad but tomorrow is just around the bend and if we can endure these tears then joy can follow shortly after, just you wait and see.
I love you guys and you keep pressing forward right beside me!